Dependency in Relationships

We often hear and use the terms codependent or codependency within in the context of unhealthy romantic relationships in which one or both partners are engaged in addictive behaviors. These terms began in the world of addiction treatment, in which one partner is abusing substances while the other partner’s entire world circles around the addicted partner’s life. This sort of relationship dynamic creates an environment in which the person engaged in negative behaviors becomes the focus of the relationship at the cost of the co-dependent partner.

Over time, terms like codependency and codependent have widened to include a multitude of maladaptive relationship behaviors in which one partner caters to the other at their own expense. Not all relationships include addictions in the traditional sense which can cause confusion with the use of these terms. How do we recognize a relationship that is void of addiction while identifying unhealthy relationship behaviors?

Notice the change in wording? The term codependent, focuses on the label and ignores the behaviors that coincide with unhealthy relationship patterns. To change our behavior means we must know what behaviors need to be changed.

Focusing on the “codependency” very much makes the changes needed about the other person in the relationship. In addition, the word has morphed over the years so much that it has almost taken a negative blaming tone.

Long gone are the days, or at least they should be, in which we labeled people by their mental health diagnosis. The best place to start in helping individuals develop the skills to establish healthy relationship patterns, is to stop labeling.